E.

WEEK 1

Gabrielle,

I am science-minded.  I'm sorry to say that I don't know too much about art or making art.  That being said, when I feel moved by a piece of art, weather it be a painting, a song, a piece of literature, or any other medium, I value it all the more.   I struggled through the mandatory art classes at my high school, because I'm not too good at creating "conventional" pieces of art.  I agree with you're definition of who is an artist, because it allows anyone to be an artist.  My dream, and many others, is to do what I love.  I believe that if my work consist of doing and creating things that I love, then I have made my own art.

Max

I really enjoyed your piece because I also identify as an outdoorsman.  I took survival class in my high school in junior year, which means that I was on a solo camping trip in the middle of winter.  I had my own site for myself where I set up a shelter, and had an area for fire.  I was in the woods in January for 3 days and 3 nights.  Also this is in Massachusetts, so it got very cold at night.  We were provided a sleeping bag, a knife, water, and food, as long with other various tools.  The hard part was making the shelter and making a fire for the food.  After 2 days I could really appreciate the wilderness around me.  It is one of my most cherished memories and I love going into the woods now.

I agree, Chris.  I think acknowledging the awkwardness of a situation is really being mindful.  We're expected to always say the right thing at the right time, but when we don't, there's suddenly something wrong with you.  Being able to laugh at an awkward situation is realizing that we're just humans, and we don't have to be right all the time.  I also think that there wouldn't really be any humor in the world at all if it weren't for awkward situations.  We need to be able to laugh at yourselves sometimes to be able to laugh at other things, and I think you really understand that.

Zach

I think one of the most important things about respect is self-respect.  I believe that if one does not respect oneself, everyone else will have a very hard time trying to respect this person.  Anyone deserves respect as long as that person acknowledges this fact.  I think that that store clerk who's a jerk to his/her workers won't get respect from you is because this clerk doesn't respect his/herself enough to be a decent employer.  

I know that when I am not respected by someone who I have never spoken to before, it's one of the worst feeling I can get.  I am always trying to be respectful to people that first meet because of this.

WEEK 2

Max,

Out of your extreme struggle you were able to better yourself.  Confidence is a weird thing because you can only have it if you use it.  I don't consider myself a very confident person, but being able to show confidence when you were in a unnerving situation is impressive, even more so because you experienced a similar difficult situation.  Your ability to overcome the disability you faced is incredible.  You may have felt uncomfortable in your situation but you came out stronger.

Chris,

I remember you saying that sometimes you feel socially awkward sometimes.  I know that it's hard to try to be in a group, especially when the other kids know each other.  However, I think the best thing you could do is just approach the guys.  I know this is easier said than done but if they really are nice guys then I sure they wouldn't mind if you just hung out and played smash bros.  Also, I got respect for the Wii-mote.

Hey Zach,

It sounds like you really gave the wrestling team your all.  You got through a whole season which is a feat in itself.  However, when another hobby came along, you tried to balance the two and school.  This was obviously a tough decision to make which is why you really tried doing both for two whole weeks.  However, in contrary to what intimidating coaches say, some things are not possible.  You chose the hobby that you had a real passion for, and I can respect that.  

WEEK 3

Hey Chris,

As someone who has gone in and out of many board/card games, I know that the reasons and stories of getting behind one of these games can be really interesting.  I also think that the fact that you're sitting across from the person you're playing against in real life makes the game more fun and makes a better community.  Maybe you could talk about how sitting across from your opponent changes the game, compared to a computer game.  I really want to hear about the competitive side of the game, and why some people take it as seriously as they do.

Max, 

I like how your questions really span the experience of a product designer in the professional world.  It seems like a profession that, like any profession, takes years of experience to become an expert, including ups and downs.  Asking someone with so much experience will be interesting to see how great things can go when designing a product and how horribly wrong it can go too.

Zach,

You have clearly chosen a very powerful subject, and you have a close resource to tell you a lot about being a cancer survivor.  It sounds like your father must have struggled greatly with the disease, but I know your interview will provide insight on hardships he faced.  I like that you ask about the community, because I know that when many strong people band together some incredible things can be done.  I look forward to the paper.

Gabi,

This seems like a very interesting subject, but your readers probably don't have much previous knowledge on it.  I think giving a good background like you did in your post would be very helpful for your readers.  I like how you introduced the fact that the practice is controversial when used over traditional medicine, it adds another level of interest to the paper.

WEEK 4

Hey Chris,

It sounds like your introduction isn't completely done.  I think you do have a good start which introduces the game well to people who may not know anything about it.  to better your introduction you'll probably want to talk about your topic of the essay, which is not just Magic.  Maybe you want to talk about the person you interviewed, and what it means to be a player of the game.  You probably know this because you said it's not done yet, but those are my ideas.  

Max

I like your introduction so far.  It not only is interesting and grabs my attention, it gives me a good introduction to what a product designer does.  You may want to add more to it, such as what you will be writing about and introducing you interviewee.  I think this is a good start to a really interesting essay!

Gabi,

It sounds like you have a great start to your essay.  You started with an interesting topic that many of us young adults face or will soon.  However, the strange twist on the topic made your paper seem more interesting.  I like how the paper that will come after really means something about your future and wellbeing, which is very interesting.  I think the question posed at the end of the paragraph was implied by the rest of the paragraph, so maybe you might want to end it a bit differently.

Zach

Your introduction states what you will be writing about and the reason that you are writing it.  I think you have a very good opening to your essay.  Perhaps you would want to start the paragraph with more of a hook, because your paper seems like it will be very interesting to read.  Also, maybe mentioning how your father has been effected by the disease will give a better introduction to your paper.

WEEK 5

Gabi, 

The way you set up how chiropractics is a part of your family and your life is very interesting.  You first show how you closely follow the practices, and then why, because of your family.  The most interesting is probably when you talk about how these beliefs affect your personal life.  You bring up the idea that these ideas were placed on you more than you chose them, because you don't truly understand the reasons behind them yourself, or at least not enough to argue with people who disagree with the ideas.  This sounds like something you still have to figure out how you will chose between traditional medicine and alternative medicine.

Chris,

I liked how you got in really good detail about your winning and losing.  The pieces you chose to use in your prose were connected, and showed how the winning and losing really feels in a tournament.  The way you juxtapose the pride you feel from winning and the shame you feel from defeat was well implemented because of the your order of your stories.  This was interesting and well writen.

Max,

It's obvious that you see product design every day in your life.  The way that a product looks and operates to the user is maybe the most difficult part of designing it.  It seems like the product designer could have the hardest job, because they are the ones who have to turn an idea into a product.  It also seems like they don't get much credit, when I see a well designed product I think of the engineer who built the machinery of it, but someone had to decide on the best design of the product to be user-friendly.

Z

ach, 

You've made it clear that the colon cancer has become a large part of your life.  I seems like something that you could be living with all your life.  I seems like a disease that does not as much publicity as breast cancer, which you point out.  This is a disease that you identify with, but it is also a disease that your family identifies with.  You seem to approach the matter with an accepting attitude, which is very brave.

WEEK 6

Gabi,

The blog that put together definitely includes some important points that shows the positives of alternative medicine.  I think that those who practice alternative medicine would agree with the viewpoints that your blog addresses.  The post graphically show the sides of traditional medicine in a way that proves a point and can get across to everyone.  The posts center around ones health but also a meta-health, which is where someone lives a life that doesn't need artificial medicines to sustain.

Zach,

I really like how the community represented in the video was so positive and uplifting.  The day event was a happy event where people could physically, emotionally, and financially fight for the support of people with colon cancer.  This kind of positive energy is what fuels the fight to end awful cancers like this one.  It seems extremely difficult to live with such a disease, however, when there are people that organize events like this one its perhaps slightly easier.

It seems like the community for the game has a lot behind it.  The community is very internet-oriented, and enjoys this kind of internet and user provided comedy.  This shows how the community is a lot of younger people, and this also shows how the community is connected in this way.

I really like this video because is shows hows a product designer has to juggle many things when making a product.  The product designer must weigh the incoming intentions from the clients, even if they are contradicting, and must put these ideas into a physical product.  As I saw in the video, when it comes to actually making the product, the designer must make difficult decisions to make the product physically possible.  They are the connection between the final product and the ideas of an initial design.

WEEK 7

Hi Niki,

It's obvious you are a very skilled writer, the organization of your paper is very sound and this makes your paper very easy to read and you got a large amount of information across over you paper.  The information that you showed was also believable because you had so much evidence.  By the time I finished reading your paper, I definitely knew a lot more about Indian culture and values, and how the people who moved to the United States with this culture had to weigh their options of keeping old traditions and accepting new ones that fit their current situation.  One thing that I was a little thrown off by was that in your introduction, you made it seem like you were going to focus solely on Indian immigrant mothers, however, you talk about a slightly wider range of Indian immigrants in your paper.  This is a small detail, but perhaps you might want to include it in your paper.  Other than that, you always kept a solid focus in your paper and I was never confused as to where you were going in your paper.

I think that you should annotate your bibliography, especially because use cite is so often, this would give the reader a good background on the people and source you are drawing information from.

Also thanks for getting our essays together in one post! :)

Hi Matt,

You paper had a very clear subject from start to finish.  I liked how you stayed with your topic well and was also able to incorporate evidence from multiple sources.  Your paper developed nicely to talk about the technical differences in the 2 schools and then going into more personal stories about how two students felt about the different experiences at each school.  You might want to state how both schools are important to you in your introduction, obviously you are going to Drexel, but how is the University of Delaware important to you?  When I first read your introduction, I wasn't sure if your identity was a college student or colleges in general.  Maybe you would want to make it explicitly clear that the experiences one has in college is similar and different for different schools.  

I think your paper could be helped by having more evidence from scholarly articles looking into the different experiences in large and small schools.  I also think that your works cited page should be annotated because you have 2 different interviews and maybe some background on these students in one place would be helpful.